One of my biggest laments of my life is that I'm always the last to see/hear/know about something. At work, at school, in my personal and family life, I am usually the least to be notified of anything, or whenever I discover something new or interesting, everyone else has known about it for a while already. I'm the last to jump on the bandwagon for things (blogging included) and I'm the one with the goofy look on her face when people say, "Yeah, didn't you know that already?"
It goes back to the very day of my birth. According to the doctor's calculations, I was born 10 days late. According to my Mother's calculations, I was nearly 2 weeks late. Personally, I'm glad I waited until Mid-October to be born; the weather is SO much nicer and the trees are in full color by then.
10 days late, almost 10 months in the womb, born in the 10th month of the year. And 10 minutes late to the party by all other accounts.
I was never a rebellious teenager, at least when compared to my siblings. My older brother and sister are 16 and 14 years older than I am, respectfully, so I learned how NOT to behave by watching them and taking mental notes: Don't have kids before you're ready, stay out of trouble with the law, and most importantly, DRUGS ARE BAD (m'kay). The most I ever rebelled over was homework, so all in all, I was a pretty easy-going kid.
I also spent my late-teens and early 20's in a stagnant relationship. I was engaged for nearly 7 years, and I missed out on a lot of experiences. In a lot of ways, I've felt very immature and young when around my friends. They all had the chances to act out, rebel, get drunk/high/laid while still underage and they faced that risk of punishment. I wanted to do all those things, but was held back for many reasons.
When the Ex-Fiance and I finally split, I admit, I kind of went a little goofy with my new-found freedom. I did my brief stint at sleeping around, drank a bit more than usual (going from no alcohol to at least 2 drinks a month. [Trust me, that was a lot for a me]), and dipping my toes into the world of mind-altering situations.
I would go into details, but honestly, when I talk about them to the few who are interested, I feel like everything I did was No Big Deal, at least to their perception. To me, going from the complacent, nearly-straight-edge person I was for so long, and actually experimenting with things, was a huge change. I was, and still am, very afraid of what my oldest friends would think of me if they knew. Would they be disappointed in me? Proud of me for opening myself up for new things? Or would they just be like "Been there, done that, no big deal." Some people I know are disappointed in the choices I've made in my life, and so I don't talk about it to them. They're aware of it, but I know they don't like it and so I don't mention it. Others (like my parents and immediate family) will NOT be made aware of these things AT ALL. While I've said that before, and when the truth came out, it was not the huge deal I thought it would be, I still have no desire to test the waters.
And yet, having these experiences 10 years after everyone else has given me the vantage point of knowing what the hell I'm getting into before hand. I know how far to go in my experimenting. I know better than to jump in head-first, I have the maturity to keep my eyes and ears and mind open, and to watch for danger in the water. I may be 10 years late to the party, but I'm getting a lot more out of it because I have the ability to step back and see what is a fun idea, and what is a stupid mistake. With age comes wisdom and impulse control.
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