Your Existing Situation

"He lacks the motivation to put forth effort in achieving her goals. she feels neglected and insecure and is seeking a loving, secure, problem-free environment."

Your Stress Sources

"Unfulfilled hopes have left her feeling uncertain and even a little fearful about the future. Needs to feel secure and avoid further disappointment; fears she will be looked over, lose her position, or lose respect. Has little hope that things will get better in time and her negative attitude leads her to place impossible demands on others or to compromise or bargain."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.
Current situation is leaving her doubtful and cautions about becoming intimately involved with others.
Current situation is leaving her doubtful and cautions about becoming intimately involved with others.

Your Desired Objective

Looking for an escape from her problems and current conflicts. Needs a peaceful and safe environment so that she can relax and recover from the stress. Wants a life free from conflict and full of security and peace.

Your Actual Problem

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Looking for friendly, pleasant relationships with others, who will further develop her intellect. she needs to escape into an environment which is stable and secure and will allow her to relax and feel more at peace."

fuck that's accurate

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Gobble Gobble Nom Nom Nom

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Looking For a Mentor

 After many years of being an "Armchair Pagan" and reading anything I could get my hands on, I have come to the realization that I've gone as far as I can as a solitary. I have many pagan friends and acquaintances, but none of them have beliefs and methods that are even in the same ballpark that I do. At least, not that i"m aware of. My boyfriend, B, is a Satanist, and while I agree with many of their philosophies, I have purposefully stayed away from the rituals and magick of that particular belief system. While he has taught me a few basic techniques and tips, he really has no idea how to teach what he knows and it's frustrating to both of us. In the short time that he's been assisting me with the basics, I've finally reached a point where I KNOW I can go further, but I need someone to guide me who has gone down a similar path.

Having been a self-taught Eclectic for so many years, finding a name for my practices is hard. I'm not at all a ceremonial-type person, preferring the down and dirty magick workings with herbs, stones, sticks, energy, elements, and to a slight extent, Chaos Magick. I've been reading more and more about sex magick and have used a few of the techniques (as well as incorporating blood magick) into 1-2 major spells over the years. Not something that is a normal practice for me, but something I KNOW will work if I ever need fast results.



I need a mentor, but I have no idea where to look. I"m going to try sending this message to a few online Pagan groups I know  and see what happens. If nothing else, there may be someone out there who can point me in the right direction.

Tattoos

When I was little, my older brother got his first tattoos. I was very young and I couldn't understand why ANYONE would willingly have a bunch of needles inject ink into their skin. As much as I liked my brother's tattoos, anytime he joked about when I was going to get my own, I would practically throw a fit in my vehemence to declare that I would 'Never ever EVER" get inked.

A year and a half ago, I ate those words.

I had been wanting to get a tattoo for a while, toying with several ideas and designs, before finally narrowing down to two choices: A tribal fox tail or Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Then Fenris died, and the choice was clear. I took Fenris' initials (N.R.F.) and created a memorial sigil for him. I added it to the perch that Mickey is sitting on and then began saving up to get the ink.

To the best of my knowledge, I'm the only one, so far, who has gotten a memorial tattoo for Fenris. It was something I HAD to do. It just felt RIGHT that my first tattoo have a double significance.

I've been wanting to get another tattoo for a while, I have this plan to get as much of my body modification done before I hit 30 as possible. Considering I got a late start by waiting till I was 24 to get my ears pierced, and given my own track record for being 10 years late for everything, I'll probably finish the transformation in time for my 40th birthday XD I had -thought- that the next piece I get done would be seven Fox pawprints going up my right leg.

The Universe, it seems, has other ideas.

Without getting too indepth (save it for another posting), the Universe has made it very clear that "One TMNT tattoo is NOT enough." I'm going to need the whole 'Set", so to speak. I've already started sketching the next one, and if I can budget myself over the next year, I will be getting it before my next birthday.

I highly doubt I'll be able to get so lucky as I did the first time, and have Mark Bode do my next one. It can't hurt to try, though ;)

Strega Noni

Strega Nona by Tommy dePaola. One of my favorite books from childhood..

My mother would have been burned at the stake 300 years ago for all that she knows. Nurse, Master Herballist, Clinical Aromatherapist, Doula, Teacher, M-Technique Practioner, Apothecary, My mom has done it all. Granted, when it comes to technology she's a horrific technophobe and is lucky when she can figure out the new toaster oven on the first day. She's also a witch, and she either refuses to acknowledge, or hasn't realized it yet.

But then she says things like she did today....

"You and B are going to be together for a long, long time. And there's going to be a child involved, down the line. I don't know when I'm going to get these little messages from Heaven, but you know how they are when I get 'em."

She also has a large (not as well kept as it used to be) garden, which is why B and I were over there today, raking leaves, and a hot tub. She has the ultimate Cauldron of Healing in her own backyard. She and my dad use it all the time, and even B and I have made use of it's Healing energies while house-sitting last winter.

My mom understands the plants and taught me when I was very little, to always ask permission before picking any flowers. She read me Irish fairy tales and Native American stories when I was a kid. She told me Fairies really did exist, and that anytime I was out in the woods and saw a flash of light in the corner of my eyes, that they were watching me.

So when she tells me that B and I are going to be together for a long time, and that we're going to have kids... Well, it's not something I wasn't already aware of, but it's really nice to see her own little visions corresponding with my own ;)

On Being A Late Bloomer, Of Sorts

One of my biggest laments of my life is that I'm always the last to see/hear/know about something. At work, at school, in my personal and family life, I am usually the least to be notified of anything, or whenever I discover something new or interesting, everyone else has known about it for a while already. I'm the last to jump on the bandwagon for things (blogging included) and I'm the one with the goofy look on her face when people say, "Yeah, didn't you know that already?"

It goes back to the very day of my birth. According to the doctor's calculations, I was born 10 days late. According to my Mother's calculations, I was nearly 2 weeks late. Personally, I'm glad I waited until Mid-October to be born; the weather is SO much nicer and the trees are in full color by then.

10 days late, almost 10 months in the womb, born in the 10th month of the year. And 10 minutes late to the party by all other accounts.

I was never a rebellious teenager, at least when compared to my siblings. My older brother and sister are 16 and 14 years older than I am, respectfully, so I learned how NOT to behave by watching them and taking mental notes: Don't have kids before you're ready, stay out of trouble with the law, and most importantly, DRUGS ARE BAD (m'kay). The most I ever rebelled over was homework, so all in all, I was a pretty easy-going kid.

I also spent my late-teens and early 20's in a stagnant relationship. I was engaged for nearly 7 years, and I missed out on a lot of experiences. In a lot of ways, I've felt very immature and young when around my friends. They all had the chances to act out, rebel, get drunk/high/laid while still underage and they faced that risk of punishment. I wanted to do all those things, but was held back for many reasons.

When the Ex-Fiance and I finally split, I admit, I kind of went a little goofy with my new-found freedom. I did my brief stint at sleeping around, drank a bit more than usual (going from no alcohol to at least 2 drinks a month. [Trust me, that was a lot for a me]), and dipping my toes into the world of mind-altering situations.

I would go into details, but honestly, when I talk about them to the few who are interested, I feel like everything I did was No Big Deal, at least to their perception. To me, going from the complacent, nearly-straight-edge person I was for so long, and actually experimenting with things, was a huge change. I was, and still am, very afraid of what my oldest friends would think of me if they knew. Would they be disappointed in me? Proud of me for opening myself up for new things? Or would they just be like "Been there, done that, no big deal." Some people I know are disappointed in the choices I've made in my life, and so I don't talk about it to them. They're aware of it, but I know they don't like it and so I don't mention it. Others (like my parents and immediate family) will NOT be made aware of these things AT ALL. While I've said that before, and when the truth came out, it was not the huge deal I thought it would be, I still have no desire to test the waters.

And yet, having these experiences 10 years after everyone else has given me the vantage point of knowing what the hell I'm getting into before hand. I know how far to go in my experimenting. I know better than to jump in head-first, I have the maturity to keep my eyes and ears and mind open, and to watch for danger in the water. I may be 10 years late to the party, but I'm getting a lot more out of it because I have the ability to step back and see what is a fun idea, and what is a stupid mistake. With age comes wisdom and impulse control.

Fantastical Foxy: Like I Never Left

Fantastical Foxy: Like I Never Left: "Even tho it was almost a week early, I got together with Feronia today. She sent me a text that Yotsuya wasn't going to be there and I was w..."

Like I Never Left

Even tho it was almost a week early, I got together with Feronia today. She sent me a text that Yotsuya wasn't going to be there and I was welcome to drop by for game night.

I thought it would be awkward, but thankfully it wasn't. I even sold one of the Fluff-Buns to Poohs and she wanted a custom order done as well. Apparently, it was declared that on nights when Yotsuya couldn't make it, then Poohs would much prefer having my company added to the mix.

I can't say as I find anything wrong with that idea ;)

Even tho this group is full to the brim with drama, it's at least the harmless stuff that doesn't really effect reality or people's safety. It's more annoying than anything else. The types of drama that B's friends seem to stir up is the kind that can get you thrown in jail, or have your kids taken from you. They don't play nice in the ghettos of Westfield.