Inspiration and Courage

I will readily admit that I'm a yellow-bellied coward. If something looks too dangerous, I will hold back and worry like Chuckie Finster (I may be a red-head but I'm not a ginger, damnit) until someone else takes the Tommy Pickles stance and goes forth to show that it's OK.

But once someone has brought the candle into the darkness, I'm right behind them w/ my own light, picking out my own path. I'm not sure if it's needing someone to show me the way, or if I'm just out of matches.

My practice would not have taken off like it did if not for other people. People like Ms. Graveyard Dirt, Sarah Lawless, Dver at A Forest Door, and others. If I hadn't read their blogs and experiences and seen that "Hey, it's OK to be the non-fluffy Witch that you've always wanted to be, but never knew if it was such a good idea! You can't learn everything from books, so here's some ideas on what you can do with your knowledge! Get inspired and blaze your own path like they did!"

And so I realized it was OK to have unconventional methods, that using my action figures and various stuffed dolls as spirit vessels didn't make me utterly nuts, that entheogens DO have a place in magic, and learning to use them is a way to progress my work.

I listened, I learned, and then I took that knowledge and applied it to my own brand of Witchcraft. And things have taken off like crazy! I had the confidence to follow my gut and feel validated b/c other people were following theirs, writing about it, and they seemed to be having an amazing time of it. I have them to thank for re-lighting the Candle of Inspiration in my life!

Thank you, all of you wonderful Mages, Witches, Seer's, Spiritworkers, whatever you call yourselves, for all that you have done and continue to do! (Seeing Ms. Dirty's Dress made me realize that I had similar materials and patterns at home, and if she can make her own dress, so can I!)

Cleaning up the Ashes

SO yeah, 2 days after I wrote my last post here, my entire world went Krakatoa.

I truly wish I were exaggerating, but for legal reasons, that's all I can say publicly w/o my attorney present.

So now, about a month later, I'm by myself in the apartment, except for Luggy (the rabbit) and Achilles, (the cat). I'll know by Tuesday if I'll be moving on July 1st, and then it's just letting the current landlords know that I'll be getting the hell out of here asap.

In the midst of turmoil and heartbreak and all that happy confusing horseshit, I've been shown just what a fool I was played for.

I have some of the BEST Friends and Family one could ask for! My parents have been my sheltering port in teh storm my entire life, and have truly shown me what unconditional love is all about. Nothing I could ever do (or have done) could make them love me any less.

My TRUE Friends, those who have been there for me at my highs and lows, and who have offered me safe sanctuary and company, even those who live hundreds of miles away, have made themselves invaluable to me. They are my Second Family :)

And during all of this, my Guides and Guardians have made themselves VERY well known and actively communicating with me. I have a few more names and several *smack forehead* moments added to my lists and journals. Some of which I'll eventually transcribe here, once I know Who is comfortable w/ me addressing Them in this medium. Odin has no trouble with it, but the Others are still a little wary. The last time i tried explaining my beliefs to people using my own connections and associations, i was utterly shunned, ridiculed, and tormented for my beliefs. Enough so that it took nearly 8 years for me to be OK w/ Them again, and to realize that my associations weren't wrong, but they were Right for Me.

I have become the Hermit, although not entirely by choice, and so I must learn to enjoy the Solitude, and not get bogged down in the Loneliness.

After sweeping up the ashes of my volcanic life-change, I'm finally starting to see some of the pretty sunsets thru the clouds.

A failure and a new beginning

B and I are done.

He's dating Lu.

I was a fool to think polyamory could last when the primary relationship was built on sand.

I kicked him out, but for financial reason, i've allowed Lu to stay here.

Until I have at least 2 of the 3 things needed things to move ( Place to go, a job in that area, and the money to finance things) I'm stuck here, biding my time.

I've never been more physically lonely and yet surrounded by 'friendly' faces.

I've been surrounded by my Spirit Guides and friends, my Gods, and my Guardian Angel has finally revealed Himself to me in full form (I still can't believe how dense I can be sometimes. I mean, come on, I've always said Michealangelo was my Guardian, but never would allow myself to actually BELIEVE in Angels. What better way to appeal to the staunch agnostic than to take the form of her favorite Turtle.)

Therapy on Monday will mark the ending of one of the LONGEST weeks of my life... I've cried more times in the last week than I have in a year. The only things keeping me going are WoW (which I finally got into after many years of avoiding it), and the multitude of occult studies I'm now free to indulge in at my leisure. I just don't know where to start.

My heart is still broken, but the bleeding has slowed, the pieces have been gathered up, and carefully wrapped in gauze.

Notes to Self

(( Terminated, with possible option for renewal.))

DO NOT FUCK THIS UP

Notes to Self

the only real way this is going to work is if we are both willing to make changes, but this will also mean that i have to change my entire way of dealing with people.

I have to FIX the mes I made, b/c no one else can clean this up but me. I can ask for help or advice, but to really FIX THE DAMAGE, I need to clean it up MYSELF.

Fool's Day

Like the Fool of the Tarot, I have just leaped off the Cliff of Life and am diving head first into new opportunities!

October 14-16th I will be selling Sock Dolls, Art Work, and Computer Repair at Furfright 2011! I'll have 6 months to build up a stock of Sock Critters in all sorts of patterns and colors.

And that's going to be the EASY task.

I have 1 month until I need to have 6 pieces of art (MINIMUM) to submit to NAF! For the Month of April, I will Draw no more than 2 Pics a Week.

For the Month of April, I will Draw no more than 2 Pics a Week. 

Month April I Draw 2 Pics Week

Month April I Draw 2 Pics Week

Month April I Draw 2 Pics Week

MAID2PW

MAID2PW

MAID2PW


*snaps fingers*

That's Magic, right there kids.

A Month Later....

Okaaayyy that was a longer haitus than I'd hoped for. I guess I kinda Magicked myself out there for a while and it's taken me THIS long to get back into things. Also home drama and issues haven't helped matters, nor did a Bi-Fucking-Polar Mother Nature deciding to pull the old "Oh I"m going to have the first day of Spring be a beautiful 60* degree day, full of sunshine and gentle heat, and then BOOM! Drop a cold snap on New England and freeze their yankee asses!" kinda week.

March has always been a sucky month for me. I honestly loathe the Transitional Months out of the year, when things are totally out of whack and the Seasonal See-Saw can go one way or the other very fast.

March, August, and November are all months I struggle to get through.

March is supposed to come "In like a Lion, and Out like a Lamb", but in New England, it can go In or Out like one, the other, or both. We had a week of GORGEOUS weather, where myself, B, and L (no clever nicknames for her just yet) went out walking the neighborhood, or checking the trails at the park for flooding. And then, the very next day after the Equinox, 3 inches of snow/slush, high winds, evening temps in the 'teens, and forecasts of that ilk for another 2 weeks. Hell, April 1st is supposed to have a snow storm (not the first April Fools Storm I've seen).

I was just getting into the swing of Spring, getting up off my lazy butt and actually CLEANING THE APARTMENT (shock and gasp, I know!), finishing projects that I had started in February and at least one of them NEEDS to be done no later than TUESDAY (at least have all materials gathered and assembled in a SAFE CAT-PROOF place until the proper Lunar cycles begin again). I have to admit, tho, that a huge derailment of my initiative has been due to household affairs and a newly-formed Polyamorus lifestyle ((which is a whoooolllleee mess of things I don't wanna get into right now)) and all the joys and dramas therein.


Things That Didn't Happen in March (that SHOULD have)

• Mardi Gras - The nightclub that usually hosts Mardi Gras was on a bi-weekly schedule due to winter storms, and had Mardi Gras a week early.... and I misread the invite and asked for the ACTUAL DATE OF MARDI GRAS off from work. When I saw the mix up, it was too late, so I told my boss to forget it and I'd work that night. Only to discover that they had Mardi Gras PART 2 on that date >_<
• St. Patrick's Day -  I had to work, and I honestly almost forgot about it. St Paddy's hasn't felt the same since I moved out. When i was a kid, my mom would make Irish Bacon and Cabbage (Far superior to Corned Beef and Cabbage, lemme tell ya!) and loads of boiled spuds and even tho I didn't like the cabbage, my dad and I would fight over the brown bread and golden butter they had 'smuggled' over from Ireland during their last visit. I"m not much of a drinker, and prefer to partake of a different 'green' intoxicant. Although if I ever get myself a bottle of Absithe, then all bets are off.

 Things That DID Happen in March (that I was surprised came out so well)

• Sorrowseed Release Party - My dear friend, Morte McAdaver, at long last released the debut album of his metal band, Sorrowseed. I truly believe that this is the band that will catapult him into the stars.

The Gods Do Answer

One thing that I have learned this month is this:

ASK ENOUGH TIMES AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

All month long I have been performing little deeds and gestures in the name of Erzulie Freda, the Voodoo lwa of love, luxury, and wealth. Back in October, a psychic gave me a reading (which is a story and a half, let ne tell you) and she told me to look to Erzulie Freda for help on all my issues back then. She is very much the epitome of a nickname my mother called me when I was younger; The Princess of Quite-a-lot. She loves love and money and the good things on life. She's a bit spoiled and pouts when she doesn't get everything she wants (altho I have yet to hear her complain that the chocolate vodka is an unworthy offering. When Im ready to really butter her up, then I'll get her favorite pink champagne). She reminds me of Eartha Kitt in a sparkly pink robe, speaking with the thick accent of Tia Dalma. She and The Old Man flirt a lot and sometimes seem to gang up on me, but it has all turned out for the best.

As February draws to a close, I still have unfinished projects sitting ony altar. Although with the upcoming re-organizing the bedroom project we're planning for the weekend, theybwill most likey stay where they are for a few more days. Or until I order that liquid latex after paying rent. I still have to make EZ her own altar, but for now her doll (pics forthcoming) seems content to sit w/ a bunch of Ninja Turtles and plush foxes.

But even with the projects left unfinished, She has apparently been pleased enough with my progress to grant a wish that I didn't even know I was asking. I've been so worried that things were going to fail, thinking I knew how my Gods were going to manifest my wishes and prayers, that it took me by surprise when all the pieces fell into place and I suddenly found myself in a situation that had always felt more like a pipedream than any possible reality.

2010 was a rough year on my sanity. 2011 is like a deep tissue massage after an ordeal; there are still sore spots but the kinks are getting worked out and I can finally begin to relax and enjoy it.


Thank you, Erzulie Freda. Thank you, Odin. Thank you, my guardian spirits. I'm finally seeing the benefit of listening to You All instead of thinking I know what the he'll I'm doing. Let's keep up this quid pro quo arrangement.

They All Love The Pavi!

Me, playing Pavi Largo (Repo: The Genetic Opera) w/ Genetic ImPerfection.

"Ask a Gentern who they prefer

10 out of 9 will say "The Pavi!"

The most dashing

Panty-snatching

I will leave your diapers dripping!

Two hearts, Mark it up!

Pavi steals all of the hearts!"

Video for Repo! was disabled on Youtube (search for "Mark It Up"). So in lieu of subjecting people to a face-stealing rapist (ie Pavi), here are some of my favorite songs and videos to spread some love on this Valentine's Day!


For my fellow Curvy Girls and the people who love them!


And for my darling friend Wuffy ^_^


And finally, something for my Love, B.

Valentine Altar

Happy Valentine's Day to Everyone!

*I CARE*

Love, Foxy 

     

                                                                                                                                                    ^_^



***EDIT**

I CAN'T LEAVE THE KITCHEN FOR 5 MINUTES!!! 

Achilles (Ah-She'll) (as in "Ah, She'll be in trouble for this.")) says Happy V-Day too! *shoo's cat from counter*

Spread the Love

Love is meant to be shared.


Today I tied a raffia bow around a bottle of patchouli shower gel, b/c the old woman who was buying it, told me it was her birthday. No one announces their birthday to a perfect stranger unless they're fishing for a response, even if it's automatic and not truly genuine.
When i came back with the bottle and went "Surprise! Happy Birthday ^_^!", she hugged me.
She got a little choked up and thanked me, saying she'd had a rotten week, and all she wanted was to take a bath w/ her favorite soap. She was worried that we were out, but was lucky enough to have me find the last bottle, which was literally right behind her.

Later, at my other job, a regular customer was getting his coffee and couldn't find his cash. All he had were his credit cards and he really didn't want to resort to using them for a simple cup of coffee.
He was about to go out to his car and check for the dropped money when I canceled the sale, pushed his coffee towards him and waved it off. "Don't worry about it, you're good to go."*
He insisted on paying for it, or at the very least coming back tomorrow with the money. I assured him ti was fine, and to consider it an early Valentine's gift. He still insisted, and I just smiled and again assured him it was OK, just enjoy the coffee and have a nice night.
Finally, he smiles and thanks me for it, explaining that it was actually for his wife. She loves the hazelnut cappuccino we have, and sends him out to get it.

And we may have a houseguest for a little while, depending on what happens over the weekend. A co-worker just found out her BF is cheating on her. She moved up here a year ago to be w/ him, and her nearest relative is 3 states away.
When I told her situation to B, he nodded and said "So, when do you want me to clean the living room and set up the spare bed?"
She knows we're available to take her in if she needs it, and we have a few days to get ready. Either way, it's a damn good excuse to clean the apartment (like I've been putting off far too long >_>).

Also, I'm currently plotting a special (LITERAL) Fetish charm for my dear friend, Morte. Which is going to be the coolest WitchyCraft I've ever done! ^____________^

Love means different things to different people. But no matter HOW you choose to show it, it all boils down to two little words:

"I CARE"



*Re: Giving free coffee. At my store, there are a few regular customers who get free coffee, and have for over a decade. We all have our 'favorites', and even the boss will explain to newbies who is exempt from paying for coffee or fountain sodas.

Water Water Everywhere

So there's a lot of Water-related events going on right now.

I don't just mean all the snow we've had this winter and the icy melting damage occurring across the North East. I mean all the shit going on in my Family.

My parents' store has had a massive leak in the ceiling from the apartments above since June. The landlord hasn't been able to figure out where it's coming from, mainly b/c the building is so old and it seems to happen randomly. It's caused a lot of damage and my father is threatening to sue.

A second leak showed up for a few days in Dec, but was quickly tracked down. It was from a totally different source and on the opposite side of the store from the Waterfall. It ruined a few batches of my sister's soaps and candles, but nothing major.

The skylight in my apartment sprung a leak, and true to form, my landlords took their sweet time fixing it. Honestly, the jury is still out on if they did anything more than a rudimentary caulking or something. I'm not looking forward to finding out.

My dishwasher broke around Thanksgiving and STILL hasn't been fixed. We've been washing dishes in the sink or tub. Or using disposable stuff. The only reason I haven't put a massive curse on my landlords is I'm not about to shit where I eat.... yet.

 Now with all the snow finally melting, my apartment lot is a lake by day, and a skating rink by night. We have icicles that were nearly 3ft long weighing down the gutters, and a suspiciously-larger-than-I-remembered water mark near the skylight.

There has been a LOT of turmoil and problems in my family, especially between my parents and my sister re: the family store. Emotions are running high all around.

**MOMENT OF CLARITY**

Wow, I'm an idiot. Water = emotions. Leaks = suppressed emotions escaping.
My roof and Dishwasher aren't going to get fixed if I don't HOUND the landlords. Withholding rent is a last resort, I need to annoy the fuck out of them to get anything done.

I'm paying the rent tmw. When I go to the office, I will remind them that I have filed multiple work orders for this issue. I will tell them, I expect to know by Monday when I will have a replacement dishwasher. If that date passes, for every other day afterwards, I will call them and say "Dishwasher's still broken." until they fix it.
Or something like that.

The family situation is something that will require very different methods. Either way, nothing will get fixed if people don't start speaking up.

I'm done keeping quiet about the important stuff. *grabs megaphone*

Divine Inspiration

I love this song:

And apparently, the Old Man likes it too...

"Oh that Magic Kingdom in the sky/ Ruled over by that crafty Odin-guy/ I'll give thanks to that old Geezer/ Keep His whiskey in the freezer/ So I'll reach that Magic Kingdom in the Sky!"

I'm not much of a poet or bard, but I can re-write lyrics with the best of them ;)

Note to Self #320

((Stop trying to be something you're not. Granny Weatherwax is respected and feared. Nanny Ogg is respected and WELL LIKED. People comply with Granny b/c she stares them into it. Nanny just grins and they fall over to help her. Granny steals the scene, Nanny steals the drinks. Today was the final slamming hint that you will always be the sidekick, the second best. Might as well enjoy it.))

((Besides, even Sir Terry himself said, ""... Nanny is, deep down, the most powerful of the witches and part of her charm lies in the way she prevents people from finding this out".))

((Call BellaKhatri MORE OFTEN. She's been through all this before, she knows what you're going through. The Old Man tried flirting with her first, after all.))

Note to Self

((I always knew I'd fuck a demon at the crossroads. I love being a Witch))

February Plans - Valentine Obligation

I've got a lot in store for this month in order to catch up on two weeks lost to The Plague: Cleaning the Bedroom, setting up an Altar to Erzulie Freda (been putting that off for the last 4 months), various Love Spells, Cleaning the Kitchen, and finally having Chili Night (an event I've been promising people since before Christmas). Figures that I'm cramming so much into the shortest month!

I've always liked February, and Valentine's Day in particular. I supposed that as a Witch and Happy Lil' Heathen, I should be talking more about Imbolc, but honestly, it doesn't mean anything to me. I will wish my followers and fellow Pagans/Witches a Happy Imbolc, but I don't look at it as a holiday in my beleif system.

Valentine's Day, however, is one of my favorite holidays. When I was little and in grade school, we used to have little V-day parties and make paper mailboxes, exchange Valentines, and gorge ourselves on candy and cupcakes. My school had a rule that EVERYONE in the class had to get a Valentine, even if we were bitter enemies. I found that out in First Grade when my teacher pulled me aside and said that, even tho I loathed the little shit-head who would make my life a living Hell for 6 years, I still HAD to make him a Valentine. When you're 7 years old, it's utterly unfair. But as I grew older and became the school's outcast, I was grateful for the rule that I would receive exactly 20 cards on V-day, regardless of if anyone truly liked me or not.

I kept up the tradition of getting little Valentine's and candies for my friends all through high school and college, and even brought in a few lollipops and cards for co-workers at various jobs. I've already picked up some cute Puppy & Kitten cards for my current co-workers and will be making cupcakes as well.

However, I'm once again stuck with the one person I loathe (Darth A-Hole) and the dilemma of do I give him a Valentine or not? I don't want to outright make it clear that I despise him, and even other co-workers who hate him included him in the Christmas Card Pile this year. I honestly have half a mind to include a little invisible-ink sigil on his card, just to make it clear that I'm only doing this out of obligation. But that's the Wicked Witch in me talking, so I'll probably just find the most generic Valentine in the box and give it to him. Maybe there's a less-than adorable breed of dog in the bunch...

Anyway, expect more posts and maybe even a few Altar pics, once I get things cleaned and set up. January was a lost cause, and so Feb will be Mulligan Month around here.

In Sickness and In Health

Nothing like losing an entire week to illness to throw off ones entire routine. I'm still not at 100% but recovery is slowly coming along. It used to be that the herbal medicines I grew up taking could knock a cold out in a weekend. Now, I don't know if it's my own failure to keep my immune system up or if this years bug is just that awful, but I've been laid up for over a week. Fever, sinus infection, junky cough, sore throat, going thru 10 boxes of tissues in 6 days (my nose is sooooo red >_<), and finally coughing so hard that gave me a bout of laryngitis that has lasted about 4 days now. So yeah, I had FUN this week. I'm so far behind on my blog lists, emails, and everything else....

I've got to get started on more occulty things for February. I've been planning a shrine/altar to Erzulie Freda for months, and with all the Valentines Day stuff n the craft stores, now is the perfect time to build it. I've also left my Norse studies fall by the wayside, however since I've been sick, I thnk The Old Man will forgive me. I also need to get back to my yoga classes. Three large snow storms in a week certainly didn't help motiveate me to leave the house while I was still well :p

Thank you to my followers! I promise I'll have more things to post about just as soon as I get them done.

American Gods

This book makes so much more sense after reading up on Norse mythology and getting a better sense of what the Old Man is like. It also helps to pass the time while being sick.

Dark Winter, Dark Magick: Vinegar Bottle

No, Jack I said 'vinegar', not 'jar-o-dirt'.

 
So on the Dark Moon, I made a little special something. I wrote previously about a co-worker (Darth A-Hole) who believes that he can do whatever he likes, regardless of the consequences to others "Because [he] Can." I have personally witnessed this excuse for a human being in action, gloating over his deeds, while his (now ex)girlfriend was weeping to me and begging for some kind of help or guidance.

Now, this was not a task I took lightly. I consulted various oracles before committing to cast anything, just to be sure. My pendulum almost smacked me in the face, it swung so hard.

I had already cast a small hex on Darth A-Hole that resulted in his being demoted and forced to work 3rd shift, after having spent the last 2 years thinking he was cock-of-the-walk and getting away with all sorts of bullshit. In doing a second Working on him, I didn't want to get too indepth. I figured a souring spell mixed with a binding (to keep him from doing harm to others) would be the best option.

Vinegar spells are popular in Hoodoo and I have a certain affinity for the down and dirty feeling of Hoodoo rootwork. I scoured my resources and books, finally adapting a few spells and tips from the Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells  .

*** The following is a basic account of what I did to make the spell bottle, not an actual formula. I don't usually write my spells and formulas down, as many are concocted on the fly.***

First, I wrote his full name on a slip of paper and tucked it into an empty vodka nip-sized bottle.
I then poured in enough salt to cover the bottom of the jar (to protect others from his influence and 'seal' the bottle's energies).
Next, I added Angelica root (Angelica root in considered a woman's domination herb, as opposed to High John root, which is traditionally masculine) to make him bow to a woman's control; Rosemary, another woman's herb, to protect and offer more control to the women around him; and Rue, to make him rue the day he decided "Because I Can" should be his justification to trample on others.
I topped it off with apple cider vinegar, to generally 'sour' his life and make him actually face the consequences for his actions.
The bottle was then sealed with black wax (I had a black tealight with his name carved onto it) and painted the bottle three colors: White, for protection and make sure whatever befell him wasn't truly dangerous, just instructive; Red, for powerful and swift action; and Black, to ensure that his own negativity would be sent back to him at full force.
Even though the paint was still kinda wet, I wrapped some black yarn around the bottle to fully bind him and his actions, tied with nine knots to seal it. A final dip in the melted wax and it was done.

I then scrubbed my hands with a mixture of Dead Sea Salts, Dragon's Blood, and Hyssop extract to get all the paint and negativity off.

The bottle sat on my Altar since the Dark Moon. I find that letting a hex 'brew and ferment' for a little while often increases the power.

Today, I presented the bottle to his Ex, who still must live with him and whom he still tries to control. She was instructed to merely keep the bottle in a safe, dark place, and every now and then, when he's being particularly prick-ish, to just give it a shake and know that things would be taken care of.

Some would call me a Wicked Witch for hexing a co-worker like this. Some would argue that I'm interfering with his Free Will and that I should leave things for Karma to sort out.

This is a man who has hit at least one woman, and probably a few more, who blatantly breaks the rules of our job, and yet is never reprimanded (even for serious things like leaving a 3rd-shift trainee ALONE on her second night for over an hour). I could go on, but let me put it this way: Even his own immediate FAMILY members can't stand him.

I am a Libra, we seek Balance and Justice. I see this a just giving Karma a little shove in the right direction.

Impatient, are We?

We're supposed to get a huge 'Snowpocalypse" starting around midnight. I told the Old Man that I would get him His whiskey (Canadian Mist, until I can afford better) when the snow started coming down.

Two minutes later, I look out the window and  these huge, fat, snowflakes are just pouring down from teh sky.

Ok, Ok, Allfather, I'm coming ^_^